where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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