3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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