I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize