i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
