I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
