I just gift wrapped bread.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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