im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i barfeds in our rink
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
