just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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