i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
