I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
