'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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