finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize