Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
