im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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