Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
