he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i want to swaddle you in tequila
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
