He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
