My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
