Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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