the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
