My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
