I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
