I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
