I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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