When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
