Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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