I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
