If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize