Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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