The best revenge is premature balding
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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