My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she was so not down for the gang bang
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize