if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How's work?
Spinning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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