alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize