you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
