he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
