never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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