I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
