you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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