what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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