im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize