I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
