i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
