I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
