I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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