I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
