There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
