TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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