she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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