Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Randomize
