someone threw a dead crab at me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
