Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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