Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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