The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
