dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
