Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
