I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
