cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize