He is an equal opportunity slut.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
