I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
