This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
