She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
