Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
