he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize