sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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