You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
