Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
