'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
